Sunshine Skirt

I've re-written this post once already.  For your benefit to be honest - and mine.  The first one was not something I was proud or happy putting 'out there.'  It was full of thoughts and feelings that I hope aren't a true reflection of me as a person but was instead filled with frustration and anger.  Feelings that I don't usually vocalise, or even acknowledge I feel most of the time.  But I'm riding waves of hormones and grief and sometimes it all just gets the better of me.  What am I angry at? What have you got?  People not driving as quickly away from lights as I'd like. John not putting his cup in the dishwasher (poor man's been yelled at more in the past few weeks than for the rest of our entire relationship), and pregnant people - lovely, joyful, blooming pregnant women whose joy I should be sharing except that I'm not.  And they're everywhere-in tesco's tonight I saw 5 - 5!  And the blogs seem to be full of baby stuff too.  I know I can't spend my life avoiding babies but I'm p'd off by what feels like a global, pregnancy conspiracy!  And it's not as if it's something to be really angry at - all they're doing is getting on with their lives and experiencing something wonderful.  I've zero right to be angry at that.  But I'm angry at the unfairness of it all.  That's all.  Not at them really.

I'm not someone who spends much time being angry usually.  I'm one of life's easy going people and I'm lucky enough to rarely get PMT so these uncontrollable feelings of rage have come as a surprise.  It's pretty distressing to be honest - feeling that my emotions can change at the drop of a hat and I can't be sure of how I'll feel from one minute to the next.  And I feel ashamed for what I'm feeling too.  These aren't nice feelings.  It's not righteous anger I'm experiencing. It sucks.  It's wrong and it's unfair. 

And when I'm not angry I'm crying!  Honestly, I'm hopeless!  And that's the shortened version - I've spared you most of the gory details!  But in between crying and raging I have actually been getting some stuff done. 

I've been sewing quite a bit and made myself this:

I was pleased with it eventually - my machine was playing silly beggars for a while there and I had to redo the bottom hem 3 times - to much swearing and gnashing of teeth!  But I finally got there - and was even brave enough to wear it in public yesterday - even with my milk bottle white legs (there has been much frantic Olay Everyday Sunshine action let me tell you!)

I love the fabric - so sunny and cheerful - just how I indend to feel one of these days! I also had a bit of a sewing disaster when I tried to make a tunic from the Sew Everything Workshop book - but it look terrible on me.

Actually, it looked OK if the look I was aiming for was 1970's Hungarian Peasant woman but that's not a good look on me if I'm honest!  But I'm trying to turn it into a skirt - I'll maybe be brave enough to post some pics if it works out (what more of my legs? I'll have to post a health warning at the top of the post!)

Comments

[Kendra]

The skirt turned out beautifully and so did the patchwork one! I wouldn't worry too much about your legs. Just be your natural old self. People should love you for you.

[Rhiannon]

From what I can see of your legs they're hawt. And they don't seem that pale. But remember it's not "pasty" it's "porcelain." ;)

[Ruth]

The skirt looks fabulous. As for the other stuff, it's natural - I've been down the hating pregnant women who were everywhere path too. (()) hugs to you.

[Twiggy]

Hey lady
You've every right to be mad/cross/angry/sad. I'm another one that has been surrounded by pregnant women and hating it too, so I really, really sympathise. Hug your boy and keep busy hun.
Twiggy x

[Christy from Texas]

Hang in there. I went through almost the same situation a few years ago. I hated every pregnant woman I saw. You will get through it.

[Trish]

Cute skirt! I followed from Craftster. I like the wrap around style and the bright fun color. I hope you can find peace in your heart soon.

Hugs,
Trish

[Marie]

I love your sunny skirt! It looks great on you.
I'm sure John can take a beating and keep on ticking. Don't you worry about him. Do things that make you happy, such as not putting his cup in the dishwasher. And sew, of course.
Hoping you feel better!

[EB]

What a great little skirt! I'm obsessed with yellow these days so it's right up my alley. And you have lovely legs by the way.

[miss fitz]

i can't wear those tunics either, cute as i find them, and as ubiquitous as they are. not all trends are for all ladies -- your skirt on the other hand is a winner.

[clothmatters]

Lovely blog and cute projects!

[Vicky - Anglesey Allsorts]

You do sound in a pickle! These hormones blighters are nastey little monsters, creaping up on you when you are least expecting them! Whats the answer? - be a Man - I DON'T THINK So!!! Take care and nurse yourself a little - we're all thinking of you XXX.
Ring arrived safe and sound - its so lovely, Thankyou so much!
x Vicky x

[Aglaya]

I understand how you feel. I suffer from neurosis and depression for the similar reasons. Anxiety, anger, grief and guilt have been my companions for a long, long time, so has been the hate of pregnant women and happy people in general. My mood could change in a blink of an eye without a reason. I was absolutely unable to control my feelings and reactions. It's unbelieveble how something wrong can be going on in our heads without us realising that. One day you wake up and realise you're no longer yourself, that all this crying and anger are not normal, that there's something beyond that and it neeeds to be cured... I really symphatise with you and wish you best. You have your man and family who support you and that's a lot, all you need now is time. Time can heal the deepest soar. It's so brave from you to write about all that so straight. I believe you'll find strength and peace in your heart.
Take care.