Yep, completely! OK, I'm teasing - actually we're having a girl!
The 20 week scan was great. I think it was the first scan I've actually enjoyed - all the others have been tension filled, bladder bursting, is there a problem ordeals that I was just glad when they were over. And the first few minutes of this one was no different - especially as we'd chosen not to have a nuchal scan or a Bart's test (blood test to assess risk for Down's Syndrome.) I'd decided that as I was more likely to come back as high risk because of my age and that I didn't want to have an Amnio because of the miscarriage risk (around 1%) having the test would just give me cause for anxiety. I was also pretty sure that I couldn't personally terminate the pregnancy if there was a problem like downs - it's a very personal choice I know and I would never, ever judge anyone else for making that decision - I just knew I couldn't do it myself.
So there was quite a bit of tension leading up to this scan. But it showed NO indication of problems at all. Everything was fine and healthy and measuring right and there was a wriggly little baby in there. We asked for the gender and were told it was a 'little princess' - a girl! I honestly, honestly had no preference either way - I was just so relieved that everything was well. But on some level I'd obviously thought I was going to have another boy because it took me a few minutes to adjust to the idea of it being a girl - a little voice inside me kept saying 'that can't be right, I have boys, I can do boys.' But it didn't last long. Now I'm thrilled - I'm having a gorgeous, healthy, little girl.
But as I'd bought yarn in various colours AND have a rule that this baby won't be dressed head to toe in pink. So a pretty, frilly, girly blue little shrug will do just fine as the first official thing made for her.
That being said, apparently the scans are only 95% accurate for telling gender - and I have lost count of the number of people who've told me stories of friends being told they were having girls and out popped a little boy - but they're all friends of friends nieces cousins - I've never actually met anyone it's directly happened to themselves - anyway, 95% is still pretty accurate isn't it!
I'm so happy and relaxed right now it's wonderful. I feel that I've finally fully committed to the idea that this pregnancy is happenning and there is going to be a beautiful baby at the end of it all. And if it turns out that the baby is a boy it's hardly a disaster is it? And I'll just have a whole load of pretty little handmade dresses to sell on etsy!
And in the spirit of relaxing I went to ante natal yoga this morning. I was lovely and chilled - hardly a workout but lovely and gentle. When I saw all the other ladies with their big bumps I assumed they were all miles further on in their pregnancies than me - but NO! They were mostly only a few weeks further on - someone was 23 weeks, 24, 26, 28 - in fact only one was in her 3rd trimester. I had such bump envy! I know I'm going to completely regret saying this when I'm the size of a house and have swollen ankles but right now I want to look properly pregnant!
So here is my most recent bump picture - 21 weeks and counting. If it wasn't for the ultrasounds, 3 months of morning sickness, midwife appointments, needling to pee every 20 minutes and regular little kicks I'm feeling I would probably convince myself it's all the extra pieces of cake I've eaten!